I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Randomize
