Christians are straight up FREAKS
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize
