I'm lost and stupid without you.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
