Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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