good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
