half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
