If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
