Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
