Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
