I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
