dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
