omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
