If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
