So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Randomize
