Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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