My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
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