but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Randomize
