so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
