Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
