you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
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