Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
