go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
