found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
