Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
