ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
