it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
