okay pat passed out under dana's car
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
