Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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