Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
