I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
