I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
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