Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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