No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
