i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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