its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
honey bunches of taint.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Randomize
