Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Randomize
