He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
