Apparently you make a good broom.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The beer is more important than you right now.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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