I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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