You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
