I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
