thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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