i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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