You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Randomize
