Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
