the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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