Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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