I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
