Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Enjoy the penises
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
