My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
