My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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