Don't you send me to vm
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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